Revelations
by Crackinois
Summary: Jane and Maura confront feelings awakened in the aftermath of the shooting
1. Awakenings

CH 1: Awakenings

The closed eyes of the sandy-headed blonde twitched under the stress of the recurring dream. Every time she had drifted off for the past two days, the same scenario replayed itself…she's running out of the front door and down the stairs of the police headquarters following after her best friend who's been taken hostage and she just…can't…get there…in time. She calls out to her friend as the gun goes Bang! And she's reaching forward as the detective falls to the ground, a crumpled mess of long dark hair coming to lie limply across her face. The city street around them teeming with cops, their weapons drawn, is silent but for her own voice calling out and of course but for the sound of the one gun, pointed into her friend's abdomen. Each time the scenario replays Maura Isles thinks she gets just a little bit closer, 1 step, 2 steps, maybe this time she'll get there and be able to…but always the gun goes Bang!

A slight movement under her face caused Maura to bolt upright out of her sleep, sitting in the worn and hard-backed chair by the hospital bed she had fallen asleep, her cheek resting on Jane's hand. Maura blinked several times and tried to wipe the exhaustion from her hazel eyes before looking up to catch the soft brown eyes of her friend looking back at her.

Jane was awake. She looked at her friend holding vigil by her bedside and almost didn't recognize her. Maura's hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, bumpy on the top with wisps pulled out in various places hanging haphazardly around her face – a very uncharacteristic look for the usually pristinely composed doctor. No makeup. She looked tired, dark circles under her eyes gave away the intermittent and nightmare plagued sleep she'd been drifting in and out of for the past two days. The detective's eyes drifted down to her friend's ensemble, a cotton blend BCU t-shirt, a leftover from Maura's college days Jane pondered, and…._wait a minute_…

"You own sweatpants?" Jane blurted out groggily her voice unusually raspy, she swallowed hard and tried to clear her throat, it felt dry and scratchy. "Like, real sweatpants," she continued, "not those spandexy tights things you wear to yoga?"

Maura grasped her friend's hand; the laugh started out small but grew with the relief that her friend was ok. Jane was ok. She reached up and brushed away her tears that were starting to form hoping Jane didn't see them. It had been a long few days. Kneeling beside her fallen friend at the station, applying pressure to the wound, screaming, desperately screaming for the paramedics she'd never felt so unprepared, unraveled so out of control. Obviously with her profession, Maura wasn't the type to be particularly struck by the sight of blood on any "normal" occasion; seeing it leak out of a loved one though had truly been an otherworldly experience. The ride in the ambulance had been interminable and when a pair of nurses finally restrained her and wouldn't allow her to continue with her friend into the O.R. Maura had wondered if that would be the last memory she had of Jane.

She had prayed at that moment, an act that puzzled her later on. Yes, she knew a lot about religion – different religions, their history, the nuances of many of their practices, their foundational doctrine. But, she'd never been a particularly religious person herself, spiritual perhaps in some ways, she tried to live her life guided by the concrete realities of science but even the hardest scientist could not avoid and even marvel at the occasion of being confronted by the unexplainable or the miraculous. She didn't attend church, didn't consider herself an adherent to any particular denomination, but in that moment she had prayed…to a god, God, any god, _"Please don't let this be the last time….there's so much I need…"_

She shook her head free of that flashback.

"I see your sense of humor is still intact." Maura retorted, trying to compose herself. "I sent Korsak to my house to bring me a change of clothes so I didn't have to leave, this is what he brought back." She motioned in a resigned fashion. "I'm not even sure where he found these, I'm a little scared to think how far back in the closet he must have dug…"

"How long have you been here?" Jane interrupted.

"Two days."

_Two days_. "How long have I been here?" It scared Jane a little that she'd lost days.

"Just two days."

"Just two…." The memory started coming back, why she was there, "Oh my God, Frankie!..."

"He's fine! He's going to be fine." Maura said as she moved from the chair to take a seat on the bed next to Jane, squeezing her hand even tighter. She placed her other hand over Jane's wrist, lightly stroking it with her thumb. Jane squeezed her hand back. "The doctors were able to repair the internal bleeding, he's in another room…your parents are with him." Maura let a faint smile cross her lips; she continued lightly stroking Jane's wrist. She didn't want to let go…ever.

The look of relief on Jane's face was evident, "So, you've been here for two days, wearing a cotton t-shirt and sweatpants, sleeping in a chair, eating hospital cafeteria food and no doubt dealing with my mother? What's this gonna cost me when I get outta here? Don't tell me, I'm booked for whatever the newest, weirdest yoga class in town is for like…a year aren't I?"

Both women laughed, but Maura stopped laughing before Jane, taken by the sight of the dark-haired woman awake, alive, ok, Jane was going to be ok. Maura wasn't sure she'd ever felt a greater sense of relief over something in her entire life, not after any exam, not after any case she'd ever supplied the science for which cracked it wide open, not when she found out who her birth father was after all those years of searching. The feeling that began sweeping over her body was sharp, intense, panicky, urgent. At first she thought she was having some kind of post-traumatic stress anxiety attack as her heart began to race, _So much I need…to say, So much I need…to do,_ echoing in her head and then everything propelled her forward and she delicately grasped Jane on either side of her face and pressed their lips together. It almost surprised Maura that Jane's mouth was slightly open but she seized on the opportunity and slid her tongue in tasting the warmth, drawing Jane's lower lip into her mouth…Maura's mind felt completely devoid of thoughts as she relaxed into the rawness of the moment.

The passionate kiss was cut short…

"OH! You're awake!" Angela Rizzoli stood in the entranceway, holding a water canister for the various vases of flowers in one hand and a cup of coffee from the hospital café in the other.

"OH! I…" Maura stammered as she jerked back glancing quickly to confirm the voice indeed belonged to Mrs. Rizzoli. Pressing one hand to her lips, she could still taste Jane on them; she looked wide-eyed at her friend who stared, shocked, back at her. Maura Isles didn't have any words, and that didn't happen often. "…I, I, should…go" Maura popped up off the bed and dashed towards the door.

"Mau…" Jane started to call out but her friend was gone, out the door down the hall, she didn't wait for the elevator, down the stairs as fast as she could go.

"Oh My GOD! MA! Will you ever learn to knock!" Jane exclaimed, rolling her eyes she threw a hand up over her face to cover it. _Maybe_, she thought, _maybe when I take my hand down Ma won't be standing there and that won't have just happened. I'm dreaming, this is some kind of waking-dream-coma-thingy that Maura would have a fancy name for that I couldn't pronounce_. She peeked out between two fingers, _damn_….

"What!" Angela Rizzoli exclaimed as she set her coffee down on the bedside table and went to watering the flowers. "Who knocks to enter their child's hospital room?...Besides, you've been asleep for two days…"

Another eyeroll.

Angela continued, "Two whole days!" She held up two fingers and looked exasperatedly at her daughter before returning to the flowers. "Frankie Jr. was awake two hours after surgery and here you are knocked out for two days! Your father and I were worried sick you wouldn't wake up, the doctors insisted you would be fine and that some people just take their time coming around, and of course I said, Well, if anyone will be the one to drag it out and worry her poor mother sick to death it will be my Janie…"

Angela's rambling became background noise as Jane gingerly peeped out of one open eye to see her mother watering and pruning the plants. _She's not going to say anything, about what just happened? What did just happen?_ Jane moved two fingers up to her lips and lightly touched them; and, it felt like her heart skipped a beat.


	2. Understanding

CH 2: Understanding

When Maura Isles bolted through the automatic doors of the hospital the bright light of the afternoon sun inundating her unadjusted eyes stopped her flight. She paused bringing her hand up to shade her face squinting with a slight grimace waiting for the temporary blindness and sensory overload to subside. "Stupid!" She exclaimed, gesturing with frustration she brought her fist up to her mouth to bite down nervously on her thumbnail. She stood there for a moment, watching the traffic pass she could feel the tears starting to well up. A sharp exhale. She clutched at her chest; it felt like she'd been punched, that same sense of fear and terror she had felt…that day. Shaking out her hands she went to place them in familiar pockets to keep from fidgeting but the sweatpants didn't have pockets, a guttural sigh wrestled its way up from her throat. There wasn't much else to do at that moment, Maura hailed a cab and headed home.

Maura stood in the shower for what must have been an eternity. Just standing there. The water, almost scalding biting at her skin flushing it red. "Just wash it away…Just wash…me away," she muttered as she tilted her head back to thoroughly soak her hair. "She's never going to speak to me again." Maura sat down in the shower, exhausted, defeated, she wrapped her arms around her knees and cried until the water ran cold.

Sleep had been slightly better that night. Her bed was a vast improvement to sleeping slumped over in an aging hospital chair, most importantly it was familiar and it felt safe. Jane waking up had helped vanquish the recurring nightmare of the incident that brought Maura to her knees emotionally but the second-guessing of her very forward move caused its own type of restlessness. Anticipating the alarm set for 5am Maura rolled over and half-heartedly deactivated the clock at 4:30. The sun wasn't up, but that meant Jane wouldn't be either.

The city was nice early in the morning, how the water looked when the sun was just rising, the crew teams and single-rowers out early, people getting in a brisk run before work or walking their dog. Pausing to watch the city's early birds enjoying their morning activities Maura thought for a second about going back home, changing and taking a long run instead of going to the hospital. She only thought about it for a second though.

Maura approached the newsstand amongst the other professionals picking up their copies of the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other assorted magazines for perhaps some lighter lunchtime reading. There were so many magazines. She picked up a copy of the Herald, for the sports pages, and then Sports Illustrated and ESPN figuring those to be safe bets. The clerk went to ring up the purchase and glancing at Maura gave a little smirk, Maura laughed to herself – it was that obvious they weren't for her.

"Maybe I shouldn't…" she started to say to herself as she approached the hospital. But, she needed to see Jane, even if Jane never wanted to speak to her again at least she could steal a few more glimpses of her while she slept in the hospital.

Even the hospital had a somewhat serene feel to it that early, but that small feeling of serenity faded the closer Maura came to Jane's room, her heart started to race, _what if Jane is awake, what if Angela or Frank is there?_ Maura was banking on the routine she had observed during her two nights at the hospital: sleeping in a chair aggravated Angela's back and she had driven home to sleep at night and returned in the mornings, rarely before 9am. Frankie's room actually had a recliner chair so Frank Sr. slept there and waited for Angela to arrive in the morning.

Maura reached for the door handle with a slightly damp palm, opening the door in a deliberate and painfully slow motion to avoid any creaks or groans. She stepped in and peered around the short wall of the entranceway. A sigh of relief as the room was empty save for Jane, still asleep. Maura walked quietly in, tiptoeing in her black ballet flats, she'd specifically chosen not to wear heels so they wanted clip clop on the floor and risk waking Jane. She separated the sports pages, comics and puzzle pages of the Herald from the news sections and laid only the former along with the two magazines on the bedside table, she placed the tv remote and a pencil on top.

The bedside flowers were looking a little wilty, clearly despite Angela's best attempts at watering them. Maura picked up the vase and surveyed the other arrangements for a fresher looking one. Carnations were a little banal she thought but the green ceramic vase of multi-colored carnations by the window looked the most lively. She placed those on the bedside table so Jane would have fresh flowers within eyeshot and then she left.

The next morning, the same routine but this time she stood at the newsstand slightly perplexed. The sports magazines had been an obvious choice, but now what? Cosmo and Vogue weren't really Jane's style. Guns and Ammo might be more to Jane's liking but that publication seemed particularly distasteful given the circumstances. National Geographic was running a story about the rising popularity of Baseball outside the U.S., "A stretch…but perhaps" she said, leafing through the copy, it also featured what looked to be a fascinating article on the revival of Nahuatl, a branch of the Uto-Aztecan language family in Central Mexico. "Hmmm," she smiled, she doubted Jane would find it so fascinating but she selected it anyway. Finally, Maura picked up a copy of Runner's World; granted, Jane often fussed about their long runs but Maura was pretty sure that secretly she enjoyed them, the stress relief, the endorphins…she hoped, the company.

She crept into Jane's room much the same as the day before. Yesterday's magazines were lying scattered on the bedside table, their pages bent indicating they had been read. The Herald's crossword was on top, only half-completed. Maura picked it up to take a look at Jane's progress. "Not bad…" she smiled, glancing down at her sleeping friend. Taking a seat in the familiar hospital chair, she made short work of finishing it and placed it on top of the magazines with the new puzzle. Maura tiptoed out of the room.

"Rise and Shine!" Angela Rizzoli's voice echoed through the room as she drew the window curtains back. _Deliver me_, Jane thought as she wrested herself awake. She noticed the new magazines and reached over for them. "OUCH!" Jane twisted her face as she gripped her side. _Note to self: no games of Twister anytime soon_… Angela hurried towards her, "What! What did you do?"

"Nothing Ma, just…moved wrong I guess" Jane replied, her mother's fussing was already wearing thin. "Ma, just hand me those magazines."

Angela complied and returned to the window to tinker with the flowers.

"Ma! I wasn't done with that crossword yet!" Jane exclaimed in an accusatory tone.

"What crossword?" Angela glanced over her shoulder.

"My crossword, from yesterday, I hadn't finished it and now it's filled in."

"Well, it wasn't me, you know I've never been any good at those things. Your father won't even give them to me out of the paper because I spend the whole time asking him for the answers and then he gripes at me 'Ange, if I wanted to do the crossword I would have pulled it out of the paper myself'" Angela laughed a little at her impersonation of her husband. "Maybe one of the nurses filled it in."

"Maybe…" Jane's voice trailed off. It wasn't one of the nurses. Jane took a closer look at the puzzle and recognized Maura's handwriting. She smiled. The sports magazines yesterday hadn't given it away, but the filled in puzzle and copies of National Geographic and Runner's World were so very Maura.

But now, Jane was confused. Maura had kissed her. That had happened. And now what? _It's not like Maura to avoid things…me. I'm the avoider._ Jane glanced over at her mother who was now flipping through the talk shows. _Maybe she's embarrassed. Or Scared?_ _She's afraid to come by when I'm awake?_ _Afraid, that it was a mistake, that I'll feel weird about her…Jesus Christ, how do I feel! Shit! What does any of this mean, dammit Maura._

"Honey, are you ok?" Angela's voice broke her train of thought.

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm fine, Ma, just…thinking."

"You looked confused about something."

_Yeah, no shit, Sherlock._

"Uh, no, just thinking…probably the meds or whatever making my brain foggy."

"Ok Janie, well, I'm going to go check on Frankie and your father. I'll be back around lunchtime"

"Hey! You could bring me some pizza." Jane hollered after her, causing her mother to stop and give her the Angela Rizzoli-perfected look of criticism, "Really, Janie?..." she said motioning at her daughter in what could only be interpreted to mean: _In your condition_. Angela left and Jane returned to her previous thought.

_Hell yes I'm confused!_ Jane thought. Processing feelings wasn't something Jane was necessarily the greatest at, but there was no denying that kiss had sparked something inside her, something she hadn't felt when kissing someone in a really long time. _Well, what does that mean?_

She started thinking about Maura, the development of their friendship. She'd never been as open to trying new things until she met Maura. _Yes, Maura is goofy, but that's what makes her charming and she's strangely fun to be around as well as genuine and caring, and there's of course no denying she's attract….Oh God._ Jane laughed out loud. _Is that what it all means, all this time, going to yoga classes that I hate, running a marathon in a spandex leotard because she started to cry, the late night dinners, the 'sleepovers,' I knew there was something up with that! Being jealous when she had a date…Holy Shit! I was jealous!...checking out her…Oh God, I checked out her…what if she noticed, Fuck, what if Korsak or Frost noticed!_ Now Jane was teetering somewhere between perplexed, amused and downright mortified. She wasn't sure if she should laugh, slap herself, or punch something. _Some fucking detective I am right? Jesus…_

The third morning of staring at magazines at the newsstand was even more confusing than the second, and not just because of trying to choose reading material Jane would like. _Why do I do this to myself?_ Maura pondered. _I date people subconsciously that I know I don't want a future with, I do things to sabotage the date and then someone comes along that I really care about_…Maura inhaled sharply. _That's it…_ She really cared about Jane. When Jane had clasped her hands on several occasions, the electricity that shot through her. The sense of peace she had when they had fallen asleep in the same bed. Wanting to be near her, to share things with her she hadn't shared with anyone else. _This is more than how someone thinks of a friend._ It was becoming clearer; what her own feelings were. But, Jane had never given any indication of feeling that way. In fact, Jane had been very miffed at being sent under cover as a lesbian for that case a few months back. Maura sighed, picking up Entertainment Weekly and the Billboard music magazine. _It's better to be friends_, she thought as she headed towards the hospital.

There was a post-it note on the crossword from the day before. "Maur – hands off, I'm gonna finish this one." Maura giggled, it was a tiny relief to have Jane reach out to her, maybe despite what had happened their friendship could be salvaged, she thought. Maura was then startled by footsteps entering the room behind her. She spun around. It was one of the nurses. Relief, if it had been Angela…

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt" A nurse whispered. "Haven't seen you here in a few days."

"Oh, it's ok." Maura answered with a slight smile. "I've just been dropping by in the mornings to leave some magazines."

"AH! So you're the one to blame for that crossword puzzle…" The nurse chuckled, pointing to the page in Maura's hand. Maura looked down at it and gave a puzzled look that begged for further explanation. The nurse continued, "Yesterday, we had to actually take the call button away, she must have buzzed the desk a dozen times for help on that puzzle. You'd have thought it was a matter of life and death to finish that thing." The nurse had a calm manner and a pleasant smile as she updated Jane's chart.

"Well, for your sake then I'll forego the crossword tomorrow." Maura looked nervously down at Jane to make sure the conversation wasn't in danger of waking her up.

"Well, now the doctor's plan is to release her tomorrow."

"So soon?" When she said it Maura realized her tone may have made it sound as if she didn't want Jane released. But, of course she did. Jane being released meant that she was really going to be fine, and for that Maura was grateful…beyond grateful. But, she was also scared to see Jane again, scared for what that conversation would entail.


	3. Boiling Point

CH 3: Boiling Point

"Janie!"

Jane's eyes popped open at the sound of Frankie Jr.'s voice. "Frankie!" Jane exclaimed, she hadn't seen her baby brother since being wrestled away from him lying on the table in the morgue with a gun pointed to her head.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jane couldn't hold back the laugh as Frankie tried to pop a wheelie in the hospital wheelchair. "Nice, hotrod, real nice, you're like…the Evel Knievel of freestyle wheelchair."

Frankie laughed. "Oh don't worry Sis, there's an Invacare Tracer 3000 right behind me with your name on it. No…seriously, that's really what it's called." Frankie gave Jane a little wink.

"The hell there is." Jane fired back.

"It's hospital policy, Janie" Angela chided as she walked in the room. "Frankie! Quit horsing around in that chair, you'll fall out! Lord have mercy. You know I'd just like to get you out of the hospital in once piece…between the two of you I've nearly been driven to drink! Janie, which of these flowers do you want to take?" Angela started towards the floral array that had multiplied into a veritable botanical garden, get well wishes from family, other officers.

"None of them." Jane replied, nonchalantly.

Angela spun around, "What! Why? Some of them are a little dead but a few of the arrangements still look lovely!"

"Ma, I won't water them, and an apartment full of dead flowers isn't really the, uh, 'décor' I'm going for."

"No, I wouldn't expect you would, but I'll water them since you're coming home with me, Frankie and your father." Angela responded, one hand on her hip.

"Oh here it comes…" Frankie spun the chair around and headed for the door but was blocked by the nurse entering with the extra wheelchair.

"OH OH OH! Back the truck up! Going home with…no, no, I'm going to my apartment" Jane replied indignantly.

"Janie, really! You're in pain, you hobble around, you can barely sit up for any length of time, you don't cook and you'll barely be able to lift your arm above your head in your condition to get cereal out of your cabinets." Angela's voice started to soften as she took a seat on the bed next to her daughter, taking Jane's hand, "I almost lost you…"

"Ma…" Jane started to interrupt, _here comes the mushy stuff_.

"No, I almost lost you, and your brother. I want you at home, I want to cook for you and help you get better. I'm your mother, that's what I'm supposed to do." Jane looked at her mother's face and could see the desperation in her eyes. "Let me do this" She sniffled out.

Jane sighed. "Ah, geez, Ma…Fine! But only for a few days, I mean, really this isn't that bad." Resigned, Jane eased herself out of the hospital bed.

"Wonderful! Your father should have the car pulled around. I'll make gnocchi tonight! I know it's not our traditional gnocchi night but we'll have a nice family dinner." Angela clapped her hands together, smiling victoriously. _The old mother's guilt trip, works everytime_, she thought. But it wasn't just a guilt trip, she really did want her kids under her roof, her greatest fear since Jane and Frankie became cops had nearly come true, at least having them both at home for awhile would feel somewhat like the old days, before stories of assaults and robberies and homicides began to pepper the dinner conversation.

The nurse motioned for Jane to take a seat in the wheelchair. With her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised Jane looked at the nurse, down to the chair, back to the nurse, "Nah, really I'm good, I can walk."

"That may very well be…" the nurse responded, "…but hospital policy dictates in the chair until you're out the door."

Jane rolled her eyes as she begrudgingly lowered herself into the chair. "What is it with people in the medical profession and their rules…Mau…" Jane started to draw a comparison to Maura's affinity for policy and procedure but caught herself. "Ma, there better be beer at the house." Frankie laughed.

"Janie, really? I swear. You can't drink on your medication anyway." Angela shook her head, "Your father's daughter…"

Jane rested her elbow on the arm of the chair and propped her head up with her hand. Being wheeled out of the hospital by a nurse was embarrassing. Angela walked ahead to press the elevator button. Frankie leaned over to whisper to Jane, "Race ya." Jane glared back at him, "Well, you seem really ok with this whole, going to stay at mom and pop's house…or have you forgotten how she drives us….insane!" Jane widened her eyes and cut them in her mother's direction as the last word hissed out.

"But, she's gonna cook…" Frankie replied sheepishly. Jane hauled off and gave her brother a good jab in the shoulder.

"Hey! How many times have I told you two, no rough housing. This is a hospital! Not a football court." Angela chastised them.

"Sorry Ma" in unison. "Football court" Jane whispered to Frankie in her best see what we're in for voice. Frankie muffled a laugh under his breath.

"Hey! There's my girl!" Frank Sr. said as he popped out of the car and trotted over to open the back passenger's side door for Jane.

"What about me pop!" Frankie said, teasing his father.

"Yeah, and you…help your sister get in the car." Frank motioned for his son to help his sister who was already trying to extricate herself from the wheelchair.

"Oh My God People! I am not an invalid, I can get myself in the damn car" Jane tried to mask the struggle of getting out of the wheelchair, too proud to admit an assisting arm would have made the transfer to the vehicle much easier and less painful.

Frankie scooted in the back of the car with Jane. "Ya know, Janie, if we got a couple of those Invacare Tracer 3000s we could street race…" he elbowed Jane in the arm and gave her a wink. Jane humored her brother with a little laugh.

"You'll do no such thing" came Angela's reply as she took a seat in the car. She twisted around to look at her kids, "No wheelchair street racing, no wheelie-dealies or whatever you call it, no basketball, no rough housing…" "No fun…" Jane added. Angela pulled down the visor mirror and gave herself a once over, "…gray hair, the two of you are giving me gray hair, do you see this Frank!" Angela pointed at her scalp.

"What about pillow fights?" Frankie offered, trying not to laugh at his own ridiculous suggestion.

Angela shot him a look.

"Kids, could you please try not to give your mother anymore gray hair, or a heart attack. I've spent all the time at the hospital I care to spend for quite a while." Frank looked back and gave Frankie and Jane a slight smile. All three enjoyed a little good natured teasing at Angela's expense.

Jane walked in her parents' house, _Dear God, grant me the serenity to…how's that prayer go? Fuck it, Dear God, please keep me from killing my mother._

"Jane, Frankie, I went by your apartments and got you some clothes they're in your rooms" Angela called out as she headed into the kitchen to check the supplies for a big family dinner.

"Ma, did you happen to get my cellphone?" Jane called out.

"It's on the bed with your clothes."

"Wait, where's Joe? Why isn't Joe here?" Jane had almost forgotten about Joe Friday.

Angela peered out from the kitchen, "Oh, well we were at the hospital so much, Vince offered to keep her for awhile." Jane nodded and headed to her room. There weren't many messages on her phone. Korsak had texted her a few pics of Joe. She replied, "Thx for taking care of Joe, at mom/pop's for a bit, when I'm back at my place, bring her by."

A new message came in, "You out the joint yet? ~Frost" Jane smiled, "Out of the frying pan and into the fire – mom/pop's place for a few days." "Ouch, I can send a cake with a file in it." "You can't bake Frost." "That's what bakeries are for right?" "Nah, I'm good, it's just for a bit." "Right…glad your ok partner." Jane smiled, "Thx."

No messages from Maura. Jane started to text her, then stopped. "Shit."

"What?" Frankie was standing in the door.

Jane looked up, "Oh, nothing…just, just checking my messages" she waved the phone in the air. Frankie walked around and took a seat next to his sister on the other side of the bed.

"Whole thing's pretty fucked up eh?" Frankie said, giving Jane a sideways glance.

"Hmm…yeah…in more ways than one" Jane leaned back against the pillow placing the arm on her good side behind her head. She turned her head to look at her little brother. "Thought I was going to lose you."

"Yeah…" Frankie's voice trailed off.

"You remember everything that happened down there?" Jane questioned, Frankie nodded.

"Yep, starting with you putting me on the dead people's table." They both laughed. "I guess I owe Maura a pretty big thank you."

"Maura…yeah…" Jane smiled tentatively, "Good thing she was there." Jane tried not to think about if Maura hadn't been there, because it certainly meant she wouldn't be sitting in her room now with Frankie.

"Ma said Maura stayed at the hospital the first two days…until you woke up…" Frankie said it nonchalantly but the mention of Angela mentioning Maura made the hairs on Jane's arms stand up. "Yeah…and?" Jane probed. Frankie looked slightly confused, "Just that she stayed until you woke up and then she left. That was nice…that she stayed to make sure you were ok." Jane looked up at the ceiling, "Yeah…"

By the second night of being at her parents' Jane's patience was starting to unravel. It was bad enough she couldn't go back to work yet, she felt trapped, frustrated…Maura still hadn't called. And then the European Figure Skating Championships brought it all crashing down.

With approximately two and a half minutes, by Jane's watch, until Sports Center, Angela walks in to the living room and changes the channel.

"Ma! What the hell!" Jane blurted out. "No, we're not watching the damn ice capades, Sports Center is on."

"Figure Skating is a sport!" Angela defended vehemently. "It's the European Championships, I particularly like the pairs skating, they say the Russians are very good this year…"

"Ma, it's men in tights on ice. Sports Center…change it back!" Jane motioned expectantly at the tv.

"No! You've done nothing but sit in front of ESPN all day and it's my turn to watch something I want to watch." Angela tucked the remote behind her and leaned back in the chair.

"Well, what the hell else am I supposed to do! I'm cooped up in this damn house…"

"Janie! Watch your language!" Angela chastised.

"You know what, forget this…" Jane hoisted herself up from the couch and headed towards her room. Once there she called up one of the taxi services and started throwing clothes into the duffel bag her mother had packed from her apartment.

"What are you doing?" Frankie was standing in the door.

"Getting the hell out of here."

"Oh no, oh no you're not. You can't leave me here." Frankie had a panicked look on his face.

"Oh, second thoughts Mr. No Jane it'll be great, Ma's gonna cook for us? Don't wanna stay? Leave. I am." Jane barked.

"Where are you going to go?"

"Home…I guess, back to my place." Jane zipped the bag and turned to face her brother.

"You know she'll just come over to your apartment." Frankie smirked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway.

"Fine, then I'll go…somewhere else, I'll go to a damn motel if I have to." Jane had no intention of going to a motel, she knew exactly where she was going to go and it wasn't her apartment either. _Enough of this damn avoiding, somebody's gotta man up and it looks like it's gonna be me._

The taxi called from outside. Jane marched towards the door.

"Hey! Where are you going!" Angela shot up out of the recliner and moved to head her daughter off at the door. "I'm leaving" Jane snapped. "You're not well!..." Angela started to plead but Jane interrupted her. "Ma! I can take care of myself, I, I just need some…personal time. I'm going crazy here! I'll be fine and I'll call if I need anything, just…let me BE! For both of our sakes" and with that Jane walked out of the house and to the waiting cab.

The taxi pulled up in front of Maura's house and Jane just sat there. _Is this a bad idea?_ She was starting to have second thoughts. "What? This ain't it?" the taxi driver looked back at her, "This is the address you gave me." Jane shook her head, "Oh, no, this is it. Sorry…" she handed the driver some cash and grabbed her bag. She stood in front of the door, her heart pounding, she'd tried to come up with what to say the whole drive over but it seemed like every potential opening line had leaked out the second the cab pulled into Maura's drive. _How could everything change so drastically in a week?_ "Fuck it, just wing it Rizzoli." She pressed the doorbell.


	4. Unfiltered

CH 4: Unfiltered

Maura was curled up on the sofa in a soft green silk camisole and matching silk pajama pants, a light wool blanket draped over her lower half, she had been drawn to select "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe from her bookshelf. The title seemed appropriate for her mood, though of course her own sense of things falling apart was far removed from the book's catalogue of the destructive effects of colonialism in Africa. She reached for her glass of wine, gave it a swirl and a sniff and then took a dainty sip. It was Romanée Conti, a fine and very expensive Pinot Noir from the Burgundy region of France. Her parents had brought her back a bottle from one of their trips. She'd been saving it for quite some time; it struck her that night she wasn't sure why or for what she'd been saving it. As she thought about it, Maura realized she was always doing that: saving things. A meticulous planner, she mapped out moments in her mind, mental blueprints for building the perfect reality. But sometimes the blueprints got too involved with add-ons, additions that ran wild, dependent on contingencies of perfect lead-ins, time, place and atmosphere that real life could never provide. And good wine sat on the shelf too long. And feelings stayed shackled and locked in airtight boxes. When she kissed Jane in the hospital she didn't just stray from the blue print of that scene she had so carefully crafted for so long, she tore it in half, set it on fire, completely and utterly destroyed it. That once imagined moment would never be. And it had been liberating and terrifying, perfect and disastrous all at the same time. So, Maura had opened the wine that night.

The doorbell rang.

She glanced at the clock, she certainly wasn't expecting anyone. Looking through the peephole her heart started to race when she saw Jane standing on the other side of the door. Hands trembling, she looked around nervously. _Pull it together._ She inhaled deeply and let out a slow exhale as she reached for the lock. The bell rang again. Patience wasn't one of Jane's virtues, but impatience could be endearing at times. It revealed Jane's passion, her dedication to getting things done. Maura imagined Jane didn't save things; that she lived firmly in the present. Jane had no filter that Maura could discern; she always seemed to say what she felt. That's why she'd kept her feelings for Jane pushed so far down, the idea, the longing for more than friendship belonged only to her she feared. She opened the door.

An awkward and silent pause, they both stood there staring at each other for a moment, not saying anything. Jane reached up to run a hand through her hair and looking down at the ground she broke the silence. "Ma…was…well you know, driving me crazy…" She looked up but didn't look directly at Maura. "…I needed to get away, but I wasn't sure where…" Only Maura made Jane feel less than fully in control. Jane couldn't remember when she had started handing over some of that control, that always brazen self-confidence built up so intentionally over time, a necessity in her profession, just being around Maura stripped it away. And as she'd let the other woman's friendship pluck that persona away like pruning the hardened dead leaves off a plant to make room for new growth she had come to appreciate Maura's ability to do that to her. That one person she could be unguarded with, raw, real, a woman co-opted by a man's world but with Maura she could be unfiltered. Maura stepped out of the doorway and motioned her inside, "No, please, come in."

Jane walked hesitantly in, dropping her bag by the door. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?" "No of course not, I was just reading" Maura replied as she passed by Jane and started towards the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I have some leftovers from dinner…" She was about to launch into the night's menu but Jane cut her off, "oh, no, I already ate, you know, cooking's one thing Ma's good for" she laughed nervously.

"Thanks for the uh, magazines and stuff by the way." Jane put her hands in her pockets and rocked a little on her toes. Maura smiled at the remark. "I hoped they would help you pass the time."

"Yeah, especially the National Geographic, the article on the uh Nah…Nah-who-a whootle language stuff…" she arched her eyebrows and moved closer to Maura, "…it was, yeah…fascinating" she finished with her best sarcastic tone and teasing grin.

"Nahuatl, Jane, Nah-wha-tull" Maura bounced her finger in the air pointing out the pronunciation by syllable. "In fact, we use a Nahuatl word fairly frequently, guacamole is actually from the Nahuatl words for 'avocado' and 'sauce'." She smiled. The recitation of that bit of trivia helped put her somewhat at ease.

"Thank you google." Jane said with a smile, she jumped to the chase, "You could have come back…when I was awake, you know…"

Maura could feel the heat rising up from her chest. She started to stammer, "I'm sorry, about what happened, I shouldn't have…" Maura started to turn away.

_Screw this, just kiss the girl Rizzoli._

Jane reached out; catching Maura by the arm and spinning her back around she put her hands on either side of Maura's face and drew her into a kiss. This time, it was Jane being forward. There was no resistance from Maura when Jane parted her lips with her tongue. The faintest hint of wine on Maura's mouth was intoxicating. Maura groaned slightly as she placed her right hand on Jane's hip and wrapped it all the way around she slid her left hand up Jane's back pulling her into a closer embrace. There was no interruption this time. Stiff and nervous at first, both women relaxed into the moment. The soft, but burning skin of Maura's face under Jane's hands. The taught, flexing of Jane's back muscles under Maura's grasp. _Please don't stop_, running through Maura's head. _It took me way too long_…Jane regretted, she wanted to freeze that moment in time, she held on to it for as long as she could until the need to breathe became overwhelming, their lips parted reluctantly. Jane was breathing heavily, her forehead resting against Maura's, their lips just a centimeter apart. Jane pursed her lips and let her tongue trace over them, the taste of Maura still so poignant, the freshly drunk wine mingling with a hint of vanilla scented lip gloss. _I wonder if she tastes this good…all the time._ Maura's eyes were still closed. "I think what you were about to say was, you shouldn't have…not come back once I was awake" Jane whispered. Maura opened her eyes and tilted her head back far enough to lock eyes with Jane. "I….got scared," she admitted. _But I wanted to…so badly wanted to…_

Jane ran her right hand through Maura's hair, still holding somewhat tightly to her face with the other. She stroked Maura's cheek, staring sympathetically into her eyes, _So beautiful.._. She came back to the present, "Yeah…" she laughed, "…me too, you caught me sorta off guard there Maur."

"I think I caught myself off guard" Maura rejoined, "And then I was embarrassed because your mother walked in and I thought I'd probably ruined our friendship, but…I, I just couldn't suppress the feeling any longer. I don't want to live my life with regrets and when they took you in for surgery all I could think was that if you didn't come out I would always regret never having told you how I felt." It was finally too much, the pent up fear of this moment, the longing to kiss Jane again, Maura let it go, tears started to stream down her face.

"Oh no, Maur, please don't cry…" Jane pulled her back into an embrace, Maura's face resting in the crook of Jane's neck. Standing there, wrapped in Jane's arms, the warmth of her body, the lightest note of tea tree oil rising off her flushed skin, the rhythmic intake and output of Jane's breath, her heartbeat against Maura's own breast. So much had not gone according to plan, but standing there enveloped by Jane was exactly as comforting as Maura had imagined it to be.

Maura sniffled and continued, "I didn't have any inclination that you felt at all remotely for me like I felt for you." Maura eased back and Jane wiped her tears.

"To be honest, I didn't really understand how I felt until you kissed me. Before then, I knew that I'd pretty much do anything you asked me to…" Maura smiled as Jane continued, "…and I knew that I wanted to spend my free time with you, and then I thought about it and I realized that I didn't like it when you went on dates…" They both laughed. "And then I thought about you kissing me and I haven't felt the way I felt when you kissed me after anyone's kissed me in a really long time and I just wanted to kiss you back."

"I'm sorry I ran away."

"It's ok, I'm sorry I didn't reach out and tell you it was ok to come back. But if you'd have come back then I probably would have kissed you in the room, Ma surely would have walked in again, because that's the kinda crap that happens to me and I'm pretty sure that twice would have necessitated an explanation." Another of Jane's endearing qualities, knowing just the right time to interject a little humor.

Maura reluctantly pulled away from Jane's hold and made her way to the kitchen to retrieve an extra wine glass. Jane followed her into the living room and took a sip of the glass Maura offered her. Maura smiled as they both took a seat on the couch.

"What did she say…your mother?" Maura asked, a slight twinge of apprehension in her voice.

"Heh…" Jane laughed, "…nothing…actually."

"Really!" Maura was astonished.

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it myself, you ran out, she walked in and just started watering the plants and blabbering on about whatever. She didn't say a thing. So I didn't say a thing. And Frankie said she didn't say anything to him."

"You told Frankie!"

"Oh God NO! I mean…not that there's anything wrong…I mean, no, he was saying he should thank you, you know….for saving his life and then he said Ma had mentioned you stayed at the hospital until I woke up. And I sorta asked if she had said anything else, and he said no. I think he's gonna…send you flowers or something" Jane took another swig of the wine.

"Do they know you came here?"

"No, Ma and I were getting really catty, so I left, said I just needed some time to be alone."

"Well, if you need some time alone I can drive you to your apartment."

"Maura, I didn't really mean 'alone' I wanted to come here, to see you, just didn't wanna tell Ma that…arouse suspicion, ya know."

Maura smiled, "You can stay here for as long as you like," she placed her hand on Jane's knee and gave it a squeeze.

Jane leaned back against the couch; the pain in her side was starting to get worse. "I know we've done a lot of, umm, what would you call it 'emotional processing' or whatever tonight, but…" she looked over at Maura, "…where do we go…from here."

Maura paused, thinking for a second. "I think we're both treading in new waters, but we've laid out how we feel. I'd like to see where it takes us…If you'd like to." Maura looked into Jane's eyes, she hoped so desperately that Jane wanted to take this journey with her.

"I would…If you think you can put up with me, I'm not very good at the whole relationship thing." Jane forced a smile though the pain in her side was getting infinitely worse by the minute.

"I'll be the judge of that" Maura replied, but she could tell Jane was in discomfort. "Are you feeling ok?" She reached for Jane's forehead to see if she had a temperature.

"Yeah, it's just…" Jane grimaced. "…I can't sit up for this long, my side starts hurting really bad."

Maura popped up off the couch, "Here, lay down." She helped Jane ease down onto the sofa and started removing her boots.

"I just need a rest, the pain will go away in a bit and I'll be able to move again."

Maura gingerly stepped over Jane and eased herself down between Jane's back and the back of the sofa. She pulled the wool blanket up over them and then threaded her left arm under Jane's head as she wrapped her right arm around resting her hand on Jane's chest. The sensation of Jane's heartbeat was soothing; several times in the hospital Maura had simply rested her hand over her friend's heart put at ease by its strong cadence.

"Is this ok?" Maura asked.

Jane smiled. _It's perfect_. "Hey Maur, are we having a sleepover, or is this your way of telling me your attracted to me."

Maura planted a tender kiss on the back of Jane's neck and nestled her face into the other woman's hair.

"Both" she whispered into Jane's ear.


	5. To Where We Are

CH5: To Where We Are

The alarm on Maura's cell phone rattled against the glass of the coffee table, the festive vibrations of Johan Strauss' Radetzky March causing the two empty wine glasses to nuzzle together chiming in with the pre-programmed wake-up call. Maura had never understood some people's obsessions with special ringtones, but several months back Jane had insisted on downloading a few to her phone. Maura instructed her to please stick to the classical selections after Jane had teased about installing a tune called "Smack That." Granted, Maura had no idea to what "Smack That" referred but it didn't sound particularly pleasant; she was also fairly certain it would not be in line with her usual tastes in music. Jane had chosen the march because it was cheery sounding, of course she had no idea it was an homage by Strauss to Field Marshall Joseph Radetzky von Radetz of the Austrian Army for not executing Strauss' son. But, Maura liked the tune, so she kept it.

"Mmmmmm…" Maura muttered as she let out a deep exhale that washed over the back of Jane's neck, warm and teasing Jane muffled a giggle. "That tickles" she stated groggily squeezing down on Maura's hand, which was still pressed tightly to her chest, their fingers intertwined.

When it came to those perfectly planned moments, those little mental blue prints, it never would have occurred to Maura that the first night she got to sleep with her arms wrapped around Jane Rizzoli would have followed the chain of events it did and found its setting on her living room sofa. But, it was. It just was. And it was perfect in its simplicity and its unexpectedness. She was starting to like this newfound spontaneity. It conjured an image; however literal of lines from that ubiquitous Robert Frost poem, "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…" It was time to take the one less traveled more often. She smiled, caressing the back of Jane's neck with first her forehead, then her nose, then placing light kisses down her neck then up over her shoulder, Jane lifted her head, eyes still closed, one kiss on the cheek…

"You gonna kiss me for real, or not?" Jane opened her eyes, with a sly smile.

Maura delicately extricated her arm from under Jane's head so she could better prop herself up to lean over. She kissed her, tousled hair falling loosely forward, tickling Jane's face and neck. She pulled her fingers slowly out of Jane's grip and let them drag calculatedly down her torso, the fabric of Jane's t-shirt was worn but softened from years of breaking in – countless hours in the gym, sliding dives into home plate, driveway basketball perhaps, small pulls in the fabric were textured roadmaps under Maura's fingertips. When she came to the bottom hem of the shirt, she tinkered with it for a moment, rolling it around in between her fingers. Finally, her hand snuck under the material and traced the rounded edge of the top of Jane's hip, dipping down, rising over her ribs she let it settle with the slightest pressure over the site of Jane's injury, warm with edema and rough, still knitted together with stitches. Jane broke off the kiss with a gasp.

Maura raised her hand slightly, letting it hover over the area, but she didn't remove it. "Did I hurt you?" she questioned.

Jane swallowed nervously. The living room was fairly dark; she couldn't make out much in the way of Maura's features to gauge her reaction. _I've hurt her feelings…_

"No, I…just didn't expect you to put your hand…there" Jane's eyes strained in the darkness, searching Maura's shadowed face. _Please don't be upset…_

"May I?" came Maura's reply, stoic, unwavering.

_She doesn't sound upset._ Jane paused, that spot represented so many things she hated. The memories of that day, fear, panic, helplessness, the insufferable loss of control, she'd never felt so weak…so vulnerable. The Jane Rizzoli from that day was everything the Jane Rizzoli before it never wanted to be and everything the Jane Rizzoli after it dreaded becoming again. She didn't want to think about that spot, she didn't want to touch it; she didn't want anyone else to touch it. But then, this was Maura.

Jane was in new territory now, challenging herself to be better at letting go. If there was anyone she could give it over to, it was the woman lying on the sofa with her. She took a deep breath in and let a faint "yeah" exhale out with it.

One delicate finger came down on one side of the incision, a second on the other. Maura traced abstract tendrils on Jane's ribs before letting her hand lie flush across the bruised area, her thumb stroking the tender skin.

Maura leaned down and gave Jane a short kiss. "Why did that bother you?"

"I…I don't know…" Jane offered, half-heartedly.

"Yes you do."

Sigh. _Of course I do._

"I don't suppose we could raincheck this conversation until you know, some other time."

"No" Maura was very matter of fact.

"Dammit…" Jane raised her hand to rub at her eyes. _Let it Go_. "…because, it makes me feel weak. And I hate that. I don't want to be weak and I don't want people to think of me that way."

That hadn't occurred to her, but Maura understood. "Oh, Jane, I don't think you're weak. In fact, I think you're one of the strongest people I've ever known." The sincerity in Maura's voice was undeniable. Jane placed her hand over Maura's.

"Why…why did you want to put your hand there?" Jane let her fingers run back and forth over Maura's hand.

"Because it's what brought us here."

Maura was never so downtrodden to go to work as she was that morning. Every part of her ached to stay home and spend the day with Jane; but, she'd already taken too many days off and she didn't want to further burden her colleagues in the M.E.'s office with the work load. Her world had stood still for over a week, but the rest of the city carried on.

Jane was flipping through the tv channels as Maura headed for the door.

"I could come home for lunch, bring you something?"

"You mean, 'check on me'," Jane lobbed back.

"No….well, yes, it's just I know you don't usually care for my grocery selection I thought I would stop at the market and pick some things up for you" Maura attempted to deflect Jane's astute observation. _And check on you._

"No, really, Maur it's ok, you'll waste your whole break getting here and back. You could just have a pizza sent over" Jane gave Maura a pleading smile.

"Jane, really? Pizza? You know it's really not the healthiest…"

"What is it that everyone has against pizza!" Jane gestured dramatically as a sign of her displeasure.

Maura shook her head, "I'll see you tonight." Some things about Jane would never change.

It wasn't long after Maura had left that Jane dozed off again amidst the shallow banter of morning talk shows. The doorbell rang.

_What the…_ Jane checked her watch; it was noon. She drug herself off the sofa and plodded towards the door, swinging it open to the sight of a pizza delivery guy on the other side.

"Pizza delivery, extra cheese double pepperoni for a…" the delivery guy eyed the receipt, "…Jane Rizzoli?"

"Yeah…that's me….uh, how much?"

"Already taken care of, just sign the receipt for me."

Jane saw "Isles" preceding the last 4 digits of a credit card number. _Touchdown, Maura Isles…_ Jane laughed to herself.

It had been a relatively uneventful day at the office for Maura. In some ways it was nice returning to the schedule and normality of a day's work, though somewhat eerie walking into headquarters for the first time since the shooting. Much of the evidence of the assault had been cleaned up and cleared away, some work crews still remained patching bullet holes and replacing fixtures and other odds and ends. The morgue and her office were pristine. The work load wasn't overwhelming, much of it routine, the detectives that meandered in and out over the hours seemed to have a good handle and leads on their cases. Korsak and Frost had come down to chat, welcome her back to work and ask about Jane of course. Maura wasn't sure if she should tell them that Jane had showed up at her house last night but she went ahead and did; after all, they knew she and Jane had spent the night at each other's houses before. Apparently that bit of information closed out a bet between the two on how long Jane would last at her parents' place. Korsak evidently had the under at three days

"Prime rib Frost, prime rib…" Korsak had said as they walked back upstairs giving Frost a gloating whack on the back.

_Poor Barry_, Maura thought, _ever the optimist._

Maura was able to slip out around five; she stopped at the grocery to pick up a few items and arrived home to find….._Jane….cooking?_

"Are you cooking?" it slipped out with an overt tone of surprise.

"Yeah…" Jane looked over her shoulder, "…don't sound so shocked. Besides, isn't the first thing you're supposed to say when you walk in 'Honey! I'm home!" Jane snorted at her own joke.

Maura cocked her head, "Umm, no, actually the phrase 'Honey, I'm Home' is most frequently associated with the familial archetype of 1950s America wherein the patriarch of the family would announce his arrival home from work to his stay-at-home wife. I don't think I need point out the several ways in which we fail to fulfill that stereotype; not to mention that American folklore attributes the origin of the phrase's intent as a warning by the husband upon returning home should his wife be carrying on an elicit affair at the time of his arrival. I should hope I wouldn't need such a device to bide you time to shove some strange lover out of my bedroom window. Besides, I'm fairly certain I recall a conversation where you stated that, and I quote, if you liked women, you would be the guy. So, technically if the phrase was to be uttered it should be by you."

Maura was quite pleased with herself.

"Touché….Dr. Isles." Jane replied.

"Although…I could get used to being cooked for" Maura said, affecting a sultry tone in her voice as she wrapped her arms around Jane's waist. "Assuming…this is any good" she couldn't hold back the laugh at her own jab.

Jane spun around in her arms, "Oh! Oh! We've got a comedian in the house, Assuming?" Jane was gesturing with the fork she was holding, "Hey, I CAN cook, I just don't…usually." She started to lean down to give Maura, still giggling, a kiss but her cellphone rang on the counter.

"Oh My God, I bet that's Ma again!" Jane's voice became heavy with exasperation as she reached for the phone and clicked ignore. "She went by my apartment this afternoon I guess, I wasn't there obviously, this is like the 5th time she's called wanting to know where I am."

"Jane, you should call her back. She's just worried and wants to know that you're safe. I could call her back for you, if you wanted me to." Maura's voice trailed off as she said it, she really didn't want to call Angela for Jane, but she would if that's what Jane wanted.

"Oh yeah, Maura, here please call my mother, who, the last time you saw her was when she walked in on us making out in my hospital room." Jane sarcastically thrust the phone in Maura's direction.

Maura had never been good at masking when she felt hurt.

"Shit. Maura, I'm sorry…" Jane ran her hand through her hair and scruffed it around as she sighed. "I'm just not ready to talk to her…I'm afraid if I tell her I'm here, she'll ask about what happened, and I just…that's not something you do over the phone, ya know? It's not a conversation I particularly look forward to in person; but, really not over the phone. I need to be able to see her face."

Jane's explanation calmed the hurt in Maura's eyes but provoked other emotions, "Jane, I don't want to be something you're embarrassed of…"

"Don't…" Jane cut her off forcefully, grabbing her hand, "…you look at me, do your little facial muscle recognition whatever it is…I am not embarrassed of you, this….us. I just need a little time to figure out how to go about this. You know, mom's good old traditional Bostonian Italian Catholic. And Catholic Italian girls are supposed to come home with Catholic Italian boys…and you're…well, you're none of the three." Jane laughed at her own joke, as Maura smiled tenderly and reached up to stroke her face. "You are; however, a doctor…this is a big plus in your favor." Now it was Maura who laughed.

"I think you're lucky, that she cares enough to worry" Maura offered, a statement heavy with the void where she wished a closer relationship with her own parents lay. _Very lucky._

Jane sighed, "I know, I know she cares…"

"You don't have to call her, but you should at least call Frankie and have him tell her that you're ok. Give her a timeline of when you'll call again. If you're not so open-ended maybe she won't worry as much."

Jane nodded in agreement, "You're right." She dialed Frankie's number.


	6. Elephant In The Room

CH 6: Elephant In The Room

"She's Alive!" Frankie answered jokingly. "Ma been ringing you off the hook?"

"Yeah, she went to my apartment I guess."

"Told you she would. She came back in a fit. I told her you probably went to stay at Maura's and not to worry, but you know how she is."

Jane paused; she couldn't help her mouth from hanging slightly agape. Maura's furrowed eyebrows gave her a questioning look.

"How uh did you know I would go to Maura's?"

Maura couldn't hide the smirk. She took the fork Jane was still clutching and began to slice the tenderloin.

"Where else would you go? Anyway, she just wants to know you're not lying in some ditch or passed out in a bar. You know she actually sent Pop by the Robber to see if you were there" Frankie's voice sounded very amused.

_Where else would you go? What the…Am I that obvious! _

"Just talk to her Janie…hold on…"

"Frankie! Frankie don't you give Ma the…."

"Jane!" Angela's voice blared into her ear.

_Frankie, I swear to God I'm gonna kill you._

"Ma….hey…."

Maura turned around; she tried to give Jane a look of empathy. Jane motioned as if she was wrapping a noose around her neck and then stuck her tongue out in a pantomime of having just been booted off the gallows.

"Janie, I was worried" The concern in Angela's voice was genuine, Jane couldn't deny that; she held back commenting waiting for the inevitable guilt trip Angela would use to sucker an apology out of her.

Angela continued, "I know I can be overbearing…"

_Wait, this is new_. Jane was slightly caught off guard, "Ma, I don't think you're overbea…"

"Don't lie to me Janie, I may be getting up in age but I'm not totally oblivious. I'm overbearing! I know it. And it gets on your nerves. It gets on your father and Frankie's nerves too; they just have a little more patience with me or maybe they're better at tuning me out" Angela laughed, "But I only do those things because I love you. And I worry. I'm your mother. Mothers worry. If you ever have kids some day, you'll worry. Anyway, Frankie said you probably went to stay at Maura's but I just wanted to know for sure...that you were somewhere safe."

"Yeah, I'm at Maura's. She went back to work today, I mostly just slept and watched tv." Jane was trying to play it nonchalant.

"Ok, I promise I'll try not to bother you for the rest of the week. Don't sigh at me with that tone of voice! I will! I'll try…to give you some space. But it would be nice if you came for family dinner on Sunday. And you should bring Maura."

_Jesus Christ._ "Yeah, Sunday dinner, that sounds…good, I'll check with Maura…she might have plans or something. Ok, bye Ma."

Jane let out a hefty sigh and braced backwards against the counter. She slowly sucked her lower lip between her teeth and made a nervous clicking sound as her eyes wandered from the floor up the length of Maura's body to her face.

"I take it we're invited to Sunday dinner?"

Jane nodded.

"I won't go…If you think it will be easier on you to talk to your mother without me."

Jane took a deep breath. She kept her eyes trained on Maura, searching her face for some kind of clue as to whether she _wanted_ to go to dinner or not. It was not lost on Jane that this was probably the first relationship she'd been in where she was seriously concerned about saying something that might hurt the other's feelings.

Maura sensed Jane's struggle. Walking forward she gently took Jane's hand and looked into her eyes with a warm smile. Maura had such beautiful eyes; those green and gold flecks sprinkled through the hazel backdrop were Jane's kryptonite. It almost bordered on unsettling, because Maura rarely shied from looking someone in the eye, least of all Jane. And those eyes, they reached deep inside, burrowed into her, and Jane let them, gave them that access. People try to hide, deflect, lie in so many ways; with their words, with their voice, with their body language, with their eyes. But, not Maura. Her eyes were always open; they gave everything to the receiver. And while that complete and unapologetic honesty could at times be unnerving sometimes there was nothing more needed, more grounding than silence spent locked into those eyes. They gave Jane the answer.

"I want you to come to dinner. It may be awkward, and I really have NO idea how this is all going to go down…but I think actually, I'll feel stronger with you there. So, whadya say Maur? Shall we make it a 'my big fat coming out party' Rizzoli style?"

Maura smiled, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

The looming dinner date tore a hole in the space-time continuum and created some kind of time travel wormhole sucking the remaining days of the week into a vortex of never to be seen again. At least, Jane was pretty sure that's how it all worked in that one Star Trek episode she'd seen. And clearly that's what had happened because here she was, 6am Sunday morning lying wide awake staring up at the ceiling through the black void of Maura's bedroom. She had barely slept a wink all night. The sun was just starting to creep in the window through the sheer curtains, it was laughing at her. Taunting. Pointing. Mocking.

Maura was still asleep, the diffused light washing incrementally over her. Jane watched as her eyelids started to flutter. She rolled over to lie face to face with her and ran her hand through Maura's hair as she started to stir. This was one of the unexpected but pleasant surprises of dating a woman she thought, the hair. Jane really enjoyed running her hands through Maura's hair; Maura's hair teasing her face and neck when they kissed was even better, its dulcet perfume swirling through the air when a draft rustled through it. It was sensual in a way Jane never expected it to be.

Time seemed to have no meaning, no structure for the day. Jane sat on the bed as Maura poured over her closet. The urge to tell her just to pick something, anything, just pick it, get in the shower let's get dressed and go was gnawing at Jane. She held back. Maura finally emerged holding two outfits; she hung them on the back of the door facing into the bedroom.

"I can't decide. I'm going to get in the shower, you decide which one you want me to wear." Maura disappeared into the bathroom.

Jane let her legs dangle off the bed. She stared at the two outfits. _This is a trick question isn't it? Royal blue dress with some kind of black and grey abstract watercolor type design with a black belt and part…of a sweater. No, those things have a name, she chastised me the last time I called it her 'mostly sweater'…it's a…shrug! That's it, shrug. Ok, blue dress with black belt and black shrug…or. Dark Tan-Brownish colored pants with a pink…no, not pink, 'mauve' stripe and a white scoopy-neck type sweater. Jesus Christ why does she want me to choose?_

Jane could hear the whirring of the hair dryer from the bathroom.

Maura emerged clad only in a white towel, the corner deftly tucked to hold it up. She'd dried her hair but not styled it yet, sections of it fluttered untamed as she walked towards Jane.

"Did you decide?"

"No." Jane was starting to feel flushed; she struggled to keep her eyes from roaming down Maura's figure, only slightly concealed by the towel.

_She's never going to make it through the night with this much tension_, Maura thought.

Maura was feeling bold. She approached Jane, hiked up the towel slightly and straddled her lap. She could hear the hitch in Jane's breath. Lifting Jane's chin she kissed her.

Jane's taught neck muscles started to give way as Maura worked her hands around her jawline and down into the muscle. She broke off the kiss. "I just want to look nice, and appropriate for dinner with your family."

"You look good in anything Maur."

"But, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible. That's why I thought I'd let you choose. What do you want me to wear Jane?"

Jane glanced towards the two outfits once more and then back to Maura. She didn't try to hide staring at Maura's chest this time. How the towel hugged her breasts, the crease between them. The rise and fall of her chest as she inhaled and exhaled. She brought her hand up and let it run down one side of Maura's collarbone and up the other, back down and then one finger teased its way down to the towel but Jane let it rake back up to Maura's neck. Jane leaned forward and placed a couple of chaste kisses where her hand had just teased.

"To be honest, right now, I'm really liking the looks of this towel." Jane's voice was gruff, almost short of breath. Now she looked up to make eye contact with Maura.

Maura felt like she was standing on a precipice. She had waited for this moment. She wanted this more than anything. She didn't want to jump too soon. But if this whole process of discovery with Jane had taught her anything it was that sometimes you just have to leap. With the flick of her wrist the towel collapsed into a crumpled ball on the floor.

Jane placed her hands on Maura's hips; her breathing was accelerating. _My God, she's gorgeous._ _Hold it together Rizzoli, don't hyperventilate and pass the fuck out._

Maura was what the five senses were meant for. The sight of her: perfection, Jane's eyes wanted to drown in her. The feel of her: warm, her supple skin like cream she let one hand trail down from her hip to lightly caress the top of Maura's ass. Her smell: like fresh linen and mint. Her taste: intoxicating, there wasn't anywhere Jane didn't want to taste her. The sound: of Maura's breath, rhythmic, reassuring, most of all, Jane wanted to hear Maura Isles call out her name as they made love.

"Jane…" Maura's voice was almost a whisper, "…before we go tonight, I want you to experience everything I have to give you. I want you to know without a doubt, this is what you want, that I'm what you want, that…"

Jane interrupted her, "Maura…don't take this the wrong way…" Maura cocked her head, the hurried and heavy thrumming of her heart was becoming almost painful, she braced herself.

Jane continued, "…but, be quiet and help me get my shirt off."

Maura pulled Jane into another kiss laced with all the passion and longing she had been waiting to unleash. Reaching down she helped Jane remove her arm on the good side first, then in one fleet motion pulled the shirt over her head off her other arm and discarded it with the towel on the floor. She wrapped her arms around Jane and pulled her in close, Jane's bare breasts against her own the beat of one of their hearts, maybe both almost deafening. Maura nuzzled Jane's face her breath delicately teasing her ear and neck. She paused.

"Don't…stop…" Jane pleaded.

Maura started to knead at Jane's breasts, a short quick kiss, Maura was beset by an unexpected bout of insecurity, "I…don't laugh at me, I, I've never…with a woman."

Jane moved back further on the bed, grabbing Maura's hand she pulled her along and repositioned Maura back on top of her. Jane intertwined her hands in Maura's hair and in between reassuring kisses, "Wing It….It's not rocket science."

Maura began working her way down Jane's body; meticulously and precisely she didn't want to leave any square inch of her untouched, unkissed. She toyed with Jane's nipples with her fingers then her tongue and teeth, "Oh God…" Jane groaned burrowing one hand deeper into Maura's hair the other clawing at her back. Maura arrived at the bullet wound, she ran her hand over Jane's stomach and ribs as she kissed and sucked on the bruised skin around the incision. Jane arched her back, growling, a sensation of pleasure from pain she could feel a heat rising up from between her legs.

"Maur…a…" she could barely get the words out, Maura was working her like no one before, "…lower, please."

Maura complied; she let her nails drag frustratingly slow from Jane's hips all the way down the length of her legs as she removed her pants and underwear in one fluid motion. Jane spread her legs and gripped tightly to the sheets, anchoring herself. Maura kept teasing her, mixing kisses with small nibbles on Jane's inner thigh. The sight of Jane's arousal made Maura burn, she couldn't draw it out any longer. She settled in between Jane's legs and let her tongue flick over the area, swollen, warm, wet with desire Jane couldn't stop a primal moan from clawing its way out. She rolled her hips in Maura's direction matching Maura's rhythm. It didn't take long; Jane screamed as she climaxed, Maura's mouth riding her out. It wasn't that the room was spinning, but that Jane's eyes couldn't focus on the spacially orienting objects around her. Jane's hips and back plummeted back to the bed, her chest heaving as she fought for air. She released her vice grip on the sheets and reached out groping in her near blindness for Maura. As much as her lower half had ached for Maura's touch her hands now begged to wrap around her lover.

Maura crawled up her torso as Jane grabbed and pulled her urgently down on top of her. Burying her face in Maura's neck she licked and kissed at the pulsing vein, Maura's breath was ragged; Jane could feel every breath, every swallow. Maura moved to take Jane's lips and give Jane a taste of herself.

"I need you…" she breathed into Jane's mouth as she started to rock her hips against Jane's body.

Jane let Maura struggle against her for a few moments, "Not so much fun when you're the one being teased" Jane laughed, running her hands over Maura's entire body, everywhere but where Maura wanted them. Maura placed her hands on the bed on either side of Jane's face and leveraged herself up as she continued to thrust against Jane seeking relief. Jane took in the sight, Maura's abs contracting, tiny beads of sweat forming all over, her breasts so close to Jane's face she reached up and cupped them, Maura looked down at her with pleading eyes. Jane acquiesced and let her hand travel down; she slid two fingers in. Maura closed her eyes, "Mmmmm". Jane added a third finger causing Maura to inhale sharply. Her rhythm quickened, Maura wasn't sure how much longer she could hold herself up. Finally she had her release as she shouted Jane's name, exhausted her arms buckled and she sank into Jane's body. Jane wrapped her arms around her and stroked her hair.

Angela opened the door.

"Sorry we're a little late Ma…uh, Maura had a um, wardrobe crisis" Jane could barely keep her composure as she said it.

"Well, you look lovely Maura. That's a very pretty dress…" Maura smiled and thanked Angela for the compliment.

"…Janie, you on the other hand could have at least bothered to take an iron to your trousers."

Now it was Maura who had to hold back a smirk, "I offered to iron them for her, she wouldn't have it."

"No, I'm sure not. I think she must be allergic to wrinkle-free clothing" Angela replied as she moved back into the kitchen to check on the food.

Jane and Maura joined Frank and Frankie Jr. in the living room. Small talk passed the time until dinner. Jane became more nervous as the evening went on. She was starting to wonder if an appropriate time to pull her mother aside was going to arise and if it did, if she would be able to go through with it. Maura reached under the table several times to place a soothing hand on Jane's compulsively tapping knee. Jane gave Maura's hand a squeeze, it was better that she was there. Jane monitored her mother's alcohol intake. Angela wasn't a drinker like the rest of the family but she'd usually partake of a couple of glasses wine during a family dinner. She'd had two. Enough to loosen her up but not too much Jane ascertained.

When dinner was over Frank and Frankie Jr retired back to the living room to check the game scores.

"Mrs. Rizzoli, that was delicious!" Maura started to help clear away the table.

"Please, call me Angela. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Maur, you don't have to help clean, I'll help Ma get all this to the kitchen. It sounds like Pop and Frankie are getting pretty in to the game why don't you go make sure Frankie doesn't over extend himself" Maura picked up on Jane's hint and excused herself.

Jane helped tote the rest of the dishes and leftovers to the kitchen. She was visibly nervous.

"Janie…is everything ok? You don't seem quite yourself" Angela moved to stand next to her daughter. Jane quit fidgeting with rinsing the dishes.

"Yeah, Ma, actually everything is fine, it's just…we need to talk." Angela had a slightly worried look on her face.

"First off, I owe you an apology…for being such a bitch at the hospital and once we got home…"

"Janie, I already told you not to worry about that, I know that I was probably driving you crazy…"

"No Ma, that's just it, it wasn't anything to do with you. It was, dammit, I really don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it. You walked in on Maura kissing me in the hospital…"

Angela's eyes got wide, "Oh, OH!"

Jane picked back up before her mother could say anything else, "…and Maura sorta freaked out and didn't come back to the hospital or even call, and then I got scared because I thought she was avoiding me and that's why I was so irritable, well more irritable than I usually am anyway." _Ok, so far so good. She hasn't started crying, or screaming, nothing's been thrown…_ "Ma, why didn't you…say anything about that?"

Angela paused momentarily, "After they brought you back from surgery Maura sat on the bed holding your hand and staring at you for hours. I had to bring her something to eat and drink, she wouldn't move. She cried, all day, probably all night. Later that evening I came in and she was lying in the bed, crying on your shoulder and stroking your cheek. She didn't see me, so I snuck back out. The next day I walked in and she had her hand over your chest…" Angela motioned to place her hand over her heart, "…and she leaned down and kissed you on the forehead. She didn't hear me coming so I backed out and made a little more noise before entering. So…to be perfectly honest when I walked in on…that, it wasn't too surprising I guess. And I figured, that if you wanted to talk about it, or if there was something you wanted to tell me…that you would, when you were ready. I'm your mother Jane, I want you to know that you can always talk to me." Angela stopped, she looked expectantly at her daughter; the ball was in her court.

The feeling of relief was instantaneous; Jane was struggling to hold back uncharacteristic tears she felt starting to burn behind her eyes. She didn't want to cry but the stress of getting to this moment had become so overwhelming. She gave in and threw her arms around her mother. The gesture caught Angela by surprise, but she embraced her daughter.

"Maura and I…we're together" she choked out through strangling tears.

Angela pulled her daughter's face back to look into her eyes, "Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? You know your father and I already had this conversation…"

Invisible brakes came screeching to a halt in Jane's head, "Wait…talked to Pop? About me and Maura?"

"Yeah…" Angela looked at her daughter quizzically, "…well before the hospital, that just sort of seemed to seal the deal I guess you'd say."

Jane started to laugh, "Ma, Maura and I weren't together before then, this is…uh, recent. That was the first time we kissed, when you walked in."

"Really? Well you could have fooled us."

"So, wait, all this time you and Pop have talked about me being…gay? And you never said anything, and the whole time you were trying to fix me up with any and every man you could find? Ma, I swear, sometimes I don't know what to make of you."

"Janie, I think the feeling is mutual" They both laughed.

"Jane, your father and I figured if it was, then it was and you'd tell us when you were ready. You're our daughter. We love you, no matter what. And Maura…well, we think Maura's great, and you've been happier since you've known her and if you're happy, then we're happy. That's really all we want for you Jane, we just want you to be happy."

Jane smiled at her mother, a smile of relief and liberation. She wasn't sure she'd ever felt as close to her mother as she did in that moment. Angela smiled back with genuine love and acceptance.

They walked back into the living room together. Frank was in his recliner, Frankie Jr on the sofa with Maura next to him he was trying to explain the flagged play to her. Jane plopped onto the sofa next to her, as close as she could get without actually sitting on Maura. Maura looked at her and Jane gave her a big smile. "I told you" Maura mouthed silently. Jane took her hand and laced her fingers through Maura's as they leaned back on the sofa. Frankie glanced over and a slight smile crept onto his face as he peeped the two holding hands. Jane caught her brother's eye; he nodded with approval and turned his attention back to the game.

_So, this is it_, Jane thought. _And evidently, I was the last to know. Some detective_, she laughed to herself.


End file.
